GETTING BEYOND YOURSELF: PLANNING BIG EVENTS

Before you get too far into planning the big event, sit down and talk. Gather together everyone who will be involved in financing the wedding and talk about expectations. Everyone involved should know what is expected of him or her financially, and they should feel comfortable doing their part. Although many people think that a wedding is a time to splurge, and forget about being practical and frugal, it is not a time to let expenses get out-ofhand. Doing so could saddle you with debt for years to come.

Because your recovery from debt may take a while, you need to think big-picture and long-term. Really improving your life - not just your fnancial situation, but your whole life may involve bigger changes than you'd previously considered, and sometimes you need something to smack you in the face before you realize that change is desirable. The following sections describe some situations that you may want to think about and the changes that could improve them. This list is not exhaustive. As you continue your journey, you may think of other things that need to change that are not necessarily obviously connected to debt, whether they're triggers for emotion-based spending or circumstances that increase your costs. But don't be afraid to consider bigger changes if they'll improve your life and make getting out of debt easier.

If you talk about the finances of a wedding upfront, you will save yourself from plenty of awkward moments closer to the wedding. This is also the time to convey your thoughts on the style of the wedding. Be open and discuss ideas about how many people will be invited, whether the wedding will be formal or informal, and other aspects that could significantly affect the price of the wedding.
If you are a parent paying for the wedding of your son or daughter, be honest with them about your budget. Tell them how much you are willing to spend, and how much you want to be involved in deciding how to use that money.
If you are a bride or groom and you are paying for your own wedding, sit down with your intended and figure out how much you have to spend. Although you think you know each other well, you may have very different ideas about what a wedding should cost.
Once you have those initial conversations under your belt, you can sit down and hammer out a budget. Use the following worksheet to help get started.

If your debt was not caused by circumstances beyond your control, it's probably at least partially due to a focus on self. Running up thousands of dollars on your credit cards is hard to do if your focus is on the needs of others. Learning to be contented with what you have is an important part of getting out of this trap. Another part something that actually contributes to your sens of contentment - is getting involved in the lives of others. I'm not talking about the lives of people who can help you, but the lives of those from whom you have nothing to gain.

Here are some ways to get beyond yourself and get involved with others. Not only are you changing your focus, but you're also helping to change your world.If you belong to an organization of some sort, get on a committee, help with the newsletter, or teach a class.
Get to know your neighbors. Help the less fortunate by volunteering. Homeless shelters and soup kitchens are always looking for volunteers. Suicide hotlines and crisis pregnancy centers are always short-handed. Find out what services are provided in your community and see if you can help.

Don't do something because it is high profle and gets you acclaim; do it because it helps people. The idea is to pay attention to the people around you, to enrich your life by letting them in, to increase your contentment by noticing their diffculties, and to give more than you get.

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